Turns of Phrases: Feedback Focus

(Think outside of the box from Kaboompics//Karolina on Pexels)

STRATEGY 1 - READING OUT LOUD

This is a strategy I sometimes use more when I write stories so that the POV or description sounds right in my head, but I can see the merits in using this strategy for evaluating stories as well.

Reading a transcript out loud enforces closer reading of each sentence, firmly planting auditory information in your mind. Furthermore, slowly taking in the details and the structure of the words more easily registers a reading as a whole.

For this reason, I feel this technique can help a reader retain details of a story so that they do not have to flip-flop between the notepad and source to get necessary details for making an argument. I recall every detail about Why Dog and Cat are Enemies because I even so much as muttered the words to myself in audible tone and fantastical voice.

STRATEGY 2 - COPY AND DELETE

One by one, coherent thoughts are formed based on what you see, yet also one by one, you run the risk of forgetting what you attributed it to in the first place.

I would honestly consider this the worst of the three feedback techniques. While it pays to focus on one paragraph at a time for the sake of forming concrete ideas, those separate thoughts may not reflect your consumption of a story as a whole. Then, when you want to go back and find the paragraph you attribute it to, it's already gone.

When I use this strategy, it feels less like I'm experiencing the story, which after doing so I go back and skim it and then write my feedback or notes. This strategy has its uses for picking apart story structure, but if you're deleting what you're using as reference in the first place, I cannot recommend this strategy.

STRATEGY 3 - USING A TIMER

The second most useful strategy, in my opinion, though it may vary in usefulness depending on how long a reading lasts.

A self-imposed timer forces you to stay true to your own word that you'll work during the time period on a timer. You might not be able to read the story and get your feedback notes down in the same period, but if you have time to read the story again after finishing it, you might see details that you didn't catch before, or come up with new ways to think about the story's form and content (which I did with this modern day adaptation of the Adam and Eve story), and add those to your eventual feedback or reading notes.

I prefer self-regulating my time because I'm stubborn that way, and 10 to 20 minutes seems too short for the kind of work that goes into reviewing and presenting feedback, but it's not a bad strategy to try.

Week 4 Story Planning: Purushartas of Men and Demons

(A banyan tree in Honolulu, Hawaii, upload to Pixabay by user DebraJean)

The style I would like to approach with this story is one that I dub "After Happily Ever After," for lack of a dictionary term. This means that this story occurs after the dust has settled from the previous one and explores the lives of characters afterwards. In this case there are two principal characters: Rama and Vibhishana.

The two characters sit under a banyan tree one day, possibly in one of the jungles from the story) to discuss the state of the kingdoms of Kosala and Lanka, and eventually the conversation reaches the subjects like whether they are fit to lead their kingdoms, whether the lives involved in the war against Ravana were necessary, and the natures of humans and the Rakshasas. Both find some answers in each other, and come to terms so that they can move on.

Rama would display mild grief from Sita's departure from the world and himself feeling unfaithful, and guilt from involving his family in the war. However, he would still have confidence and wisdom to assuage Vibhishana's worries about changing the Rakshasas' image and coming to terms with the treason he had to commit.

Vibhishana could possess a strong sense of virtue and speak from contrasting his own family's faults to assure Rama that the involvement of his family was not a selfish act, and that he can move on and come to terms with Sita's departure. He could also display a sense of pressure due to new responsibilities as king and trying to civilize his culture.

The setting of the banyan tree comes from research of Akshayavat, a sacred fig tree that Rama, Lakshmana, and Sita are said to have rested under once.

The title (possibly working) comes from the Hinduism thought process of the four core goals of human life: Dharma, Artha, Kama and Moksha (see bibliography for details).

Bibliography

Ramayana, inspiration taken from Donald A. Mackenzie's Indian Myth and Legend (1913)

Wikipedia research on Akshayavat (and by extension, banyan), and Hinduism 

Reading Notes: Ramayana, Part B

(Vibhishana Meets Rama by Ramachandra Madhwa Mahishi (1916), taken from Wikimedia Commons)

Rakshasas are often depicted as monstrous, baneful, and negatively impulsive creatures, examples being Ravana, Surpanakha, and their siblings. Examples of actions include Surpanakha's lust for Rama, Machira's deception by transforming into a golden deer, and Ravana's kidnapping of Sita.

Exceptions to these depictions do exist, however. Kabandha is one such example, who requests his form and nature as a Rakshasas be burned away so that he arises again as a Gandharva, a heavenly being. In return, he tells Rama where Sita has been taken.

Vibhishana is yet another example. This younger brother of Ravana sees rationale in returning Sita to Rama, lest Ravana incite doom onto his kingdom. He is banished for assumed treason, crossing over to join Rama's forces in turn. Vibhishana is even crowned the new king of Lanka after his brother's death in the war against Rama.

A conversation between Rama and Vibhishana would make for an interesting story. Two princes, both exiles, each contending with personal issues surrounding the circumstances of the war, their banishment, the lives they involved in the struggle, and the natures of humans and demons. They would converse about these topics.

Could also take place after The Sorrows of Sita for extra conversation material.

Also provides a chance to wrap up loose ends with some other characters like Rama's brothers, Surpanakha, Hanuman, as well as the status of the two kingdoms.

Losing Sita gives us the first instnace of Rama showing grief in the Ramayana. Exploring Rama's emotions regarding events would be a good idea. Are there any regrets he has?

Sita possesses remarkable fortitude, able to reject Ravana's declarations of love several times and stand surrounded by demons without fear.

A very visceral war with much chaotic imagery, from weapons both mortal and magical to the incredible feats of strength demonstrated by the apes and Rakshasas.

Bibliography

Ramayana, inspiration taken from Donald A. Mackenzie's Indian Myth and Legend (1913)

Reading Notes: Ramayana, Part A

(Sri Vishnu by Jadurani Dasi and Muralidhara Dasa posted to Flickr by user goblinbox)

Valmiki is the reciter of the stories in this unit, speaking in song and poetry. Perhaps I can find a good bardic rhythm structure to write lyrics for a retelling of the legend?

Rama and Lakshmana venture outside their home for the first time with Vishwamitra. Despite having some of the most sophisticated education, I'd like to think putting it into practice in a real life situation is another matter. Possibility to explore with the jungle Rakshashas?

Is there a dynamic we can explore with the four brothers? Wikipedia research shows that each play a role in cultivating the prosperity of their kingdom and each others lives. A good example is the pair of sandals Bharata places on the throne in place of the true ruler Rama, while he himself conducts governmental matters as an exile as well.

There is also the matter of Lakshmana, who stood beside his brother Rama in the thick and thin of the Rakshashas attack and the fourteen year exile.

One possible story idea is a story about how the four brothers comprise a whole unit that bring out the best of progress together. This will probably gain more evidence in the second set of reading notes.

Maybe incorporate the fact that the four brothers are reincarnations of Visnu into this kind of story too. Come to think of it, do the brothers even know they are reincarnations?

What form do the holy weapons Vishwamitra gives to Rama and Lakshmana take? They have no defined form from the text, so I like to imagine they take the form the brothers desire. Or that the holy spirits are the weapons themselves and act sort of like familiars, like in the vein of Stands from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Part 3.

Expand the romance between Rama and Sita. Their prior engagement and their discussion of Rama's exile are good places to look for inspiration.

Bibliography

Ramayana, inspiration taken from Donald A. Mackenzie's Indian Myth and Legend (1913)

COMMENT WALL

This be the comment wall post.

Use for comment wall stuff. I don't really know.

(Comment Sign posted on Pixabay by user geralt)

Edit 2/9/17: Here's a link to my storybook project: Sunlight's Reflection

- Collin Gaddie