Hey Collin, First off, I thought your comment wall decoration was pretty funny. "Use for comment wall stuff." The design of your actual storybook looks really good too. The mountain range in the back is a nice touch and the font/coloring style seems to fit the stories' introduction. From the few introductions I have read, a common pattern seems to be using the introduction for various stories that will be told within the storybook overall. Yours is a lot different so I just want to make sure I am understanding it correctly. You basically introduced Amaterasu's point of view and then left a cliff hanger to where the story begins? I do enjoy the story's concept, but I had a little difficulty distinguishing some of the names at times. That's probably just me, so don't think of it as a huge issue or anything. Overall your story sounds complex in a great way. I think it will be one with a lot of great detail. I'm excited to see the story progress through the semester!
Your home screen does a good job giving an idea of what the story will be about right off the bat. It's also free of clutter and is very simple to navigate. I wouldn't change a thing with it.
I really like how your introduction starts with a sort of riddle. It draws the reader in and makes them want to find out the answer to the riddle. This riddle also isn't solved by the end of the introduction so that curiosity will continue on into the story itself. You also get an idea of the conflict within the family and the world. Why do the other gods resent how Izanami treated the humans the way the did? Why did Susanoo side with the other gods and not his family? How did Tsukuyomi feel about all of this? All of these questions help drive the reader forward. I'm really looking forward to see where this story goes.
First off, I love the photo you used for your home tab. I love asian and especially Chinese culture, so when I saw this, I got super excited to read your introduction. In general, this picture is a good choice because it grabs the reader's attention and makes them curious about what this storybook will consist of. "I don't want to lead, but I must, even if this world appears hopeless. And yet I... feel so lost." -- This is a wonderful line. It applied to your story well, but honestly, it applies to real life, too. Meaning, your story has a few lessons in it. I absolutely love the way you began your introduction with a poem or riddle. It's beautiful and thought-provoking. I also think it's great because I'm sure it relatable to many people, which will draw every reader's attention in a different way. I think your introduction was well-written, and it makes me want to continue reading on. Great job!
Hey Collin! I absolutely loved the layout of your storybook! I felt like you use images to capture exactly what your story was going to be about. The design was very clean cut and original as well. After reading your introduction, I was immediately drawn in to your story. I can tell that you are going to have some great stories to come just from the introduction. There is so many things that you can do with gods myths! If I was to critique something, it would be about the character list. I think you should try to find a way to tell readers more about each character that you plan to use in your stories and a bit about their description. I think if people know more about the characters, that will prepare them for your stories. Overall, I think you are great at storytelling so I am excited to read more of what is to come.
I really liked your introduction. I thought you did a good job setting the scene and introducing the character of Amaterasu. I liked that you gave her a backstory and introduced us to her family. I like that you chose to do your stories on Japanese mythology characters while bringing in the stories from other countries mythology. I am interested to see if you just use Greek mythology or if you are going to pull from other countries too. I think that using different mythology from around the world would be cool to see. Your actual first story was really good too. I enjoyed how you weaved the Japanese myth with the Greek myth by having your character thrusted into the story but not being able to interact with the other characters. I wish that you had fleshed out the end of your story with the explanation of how the empathy shown by Helios related back to the Japanese myth.
Wow, I love your storybook! I really like the premise of this empress learning how to properly care for her subjects through the mirror. I was a little confused at the end of the introduction though since I don't think you mention her name until the author's note. I didn't even realize she was the sun goddess until the first story, so maybe more introduction there would help. I really liked how you set up the conflict though! I would like to hear more about the original story you based this on and how it went in the original in your author's note if you could include that next time. I love that you included Greek myths in here since they're my favorite! Will you include some other Japanese myths though? I'd like to hear more about them too. Also, I love your layout and the beautiful picture you chose as your cover photo. Anyway, great start and I'm so excited to read your next stories!
You have a wonderful writing style. I can not wait to read more. It is so engaging and lively without being overbearing. I can not wait to see where you are going with it. Is it going to be about her gaining insight into her own actions, empathy for others, is it just her learning how to become a good leader. I did have a problem with your introduction. It may have been me, but it seemed as if you had a problem keeping tenses straight. It was kind of hard to tell what was going on at a particular point in time through out the narrative. Also, in the first paragraph of your story, do you mean to say words could not contain my shock or did you mean to say words could not explain my shock. The second seems to fit more than your choice of words. Finally, your third paragraph was really confusing. It might have been a lack of strong verbs or it might have been in passive, but it was really difficult to visualize what you were trying to describe, You might want to reword it so that it makes more sense. But you have a great story regardless, so don't give up!
Hey, Collin! Great intro and first story so far! I thought it was pretty awesome that you chose the Japanese gods and deities as the foundation for your storybook. I like how you display Amaterasu as being lost even though she is a goddess. I find it interesting how humanlike the gods in mythology end up being. You'd think they'd be more godly and know how to do run things right? Anyway, I'm extremely interested in this multiple dimensions thing you got going on. I can see you being able to go multiple different ways with your future stories. I don't know if you plan on developing the Greek world and its similarities between the Japanese world or if you are simply going to compare the Japanese world to other worlds besides the Greek world. Personally, I would like to read more about the Greek world. The first story got me hooked and I'd really like to see if Amaterasu will be able to do anything in the "mirror dimension."
Collin, Thanks for the feedback on my introduction. I used it to help tweak the wording on some of the dialogue. The complete purpose is to tell the story of Nala and Damayanti which is why the background information is lacking. Hopefully, once the storybook is concluded everyone will see why the background information was not important and would have detracted from the end purpose.
I just wanted to thank you for your comment on my Week 9 Story. I was in dire need for some corrections and slight direction with this story and it helped that you brought up trying to build the relationship between my two characters. Being a diary style format, it was quite difficult to build it, but with your questions and concerns in what to elaborate will definitely help with editing the story! Thanks again!
I read your story Remorse, so all my comments are on that story. First off, I love what you did. You did a wonderful job of adapting and combining these stories. I cannot wait to see what you are going to do next. You used such wonderful language. It drew me in and refused to let me go. Great job! There were some problems I saw, but they were all minor. Fist, in the very first paragraph- instead of “it would be”, you could say “that word would be”. There are extra words, but it makes more of an impact on the reader. Second, first paragraph, second sentence, “can” rather than “could”-tense agreement! Next, third paragraph “all though” or “as though”? And lastly, tenth paragraph, second sentence- it confused me. I think you were missing a comma but it might just the phrasing, but I had to reread it a couple times for it to make sense. Overall, it was an amazing story. I look forward to seeing where you go from here!
First, I want to say that your sense of humor really shows through on all your work. Great job in show casing your personality on your comment wall and from what I have read on your stories, it is really show cased well there too. I really appreciate the story Sunlight’s Reflection: A Mirror for Gods and Humans. I think your writing style really showed through and you did such an amazing job. The only suggestion I might have to you is maybe to clarify your characters a little. I think some of the details are easy to get lost in. I am extremely impressed with your ability to write and capture attention like you did – that is something that is super hard to master in this class because we read so much about characters we usually do not know about! All in all great job on this story and I am happy to read your work!
Your introduction is so good! I was captivated from the beginning. I don't know much about Japanese mythology, but you hooked me with this story. I love how you describe Amaterasu's emotions so well. You made me sympathize with her situation. I loved first story. It's so creative of you to combine Greek and Japanese myths in this way. I absolutely love your take with the story of Helios and Phaeton. You made it so emotional and real and I love how you chose to focus on the love Helios has for Phaeton rather than Phaeton's stupidity, which is the usual focus. I also love how you used the moral to help Amaterasu. I think you could connect the moral a little bit better, as it is a little confusing. However, since I'm sure you revised this story already, I don't have any critiques to make. Your second story is really good. I love how again you brought in a new mythology. I also love how you are focusing on different sun gods. I only have a few critiques while reading it. The "yes laugh" part seems a little out of place since I didn't recall Amaterasu telling this story to anyone, but I may have missed it. "A tamer tan than the his coated her body": this sentence is confusing, it may have just been an accidental mistake. What does Isis look like? I'm guessing she doesn't have an animal head like Ra? I don't think "ew" should be in italics since none of her other thoughts are. I'm wondering how does Amaterasu knows what poured out of Ra. I think more clarity is needed here. I also think you could do a little better at transitioning from the story of Isis and Ra to Amaterasu's own story. Other than those things, I think you did a really great job with your story and I can't wait to see what you come up with next.
Very good job on the intro! It caught my interest really quickly and made me want to keep reading! I like that you chose the daughter to be the chosen one by the father. I’d like more detail however, about how the mother died? I know she was accused of loving the mortals more than the gods, but who had the power to punish her? How cool that her father’s mirror is a portal! I’m curious just how the Sun goddess got back home? Seems you did a ton of research on the gods though, very nice job! It’s interesting that she is witnessing all of these bad things happening in other realms and not good ones to put her mind to ease. Remorse was a little difficult to follow. Did the daughter make the snake that attacked the father so she could get his powers, or was there another woman involved? I really enjoyed Sincerity! Overall great job I can’t wait to see the final product!
Hello, I really liked your storybook. I liked that each story was named after some sort of emotion. I think doing that was really smart. I also love the introduction. I think it set up the rest of the stories quite nicely. One part that caught my eye was the daughter was the chosen one but she was chosen by her father. I liked this because I am a daddy’s girl and definitely really felt this part. Is there more detail to how the mother died? Is this going to addressed later on in the story book? It could be like background story. I also want to compliment you on your pictures. I am a visual person and adding the pictures help me create the story in my head even more. I really like the human and mythological part of the stories. The only feedback I have is just making sure you are being clear in what you say. Overall, really great story.
Hey Collin! I chose your storybook as weird as this may come off, but because the title seemed to be deeper than at first glance. I am not sure if that made any sense, but it makes me curious as to what you were writing about! And then I saw the title of your story and was so impressed by the sophistication of it all! Maybe because I am writing about a summer camp with the gods, but your storybook has a sense of seriousness to it! Once I started reading I was impressed by your use of descriptions for the characters and I especially loved your use of italics and ellipsis. It really helped separate what you were saying and set the tone of it while keeping it easy to read. I wish I had started reading your storybook sooner as I could have kept up with the stories every week! Either way, Great job!
Hey Collin! First off Intro. I thought the language was a bit stilted and seemed more geared to dramatic movie narration rather than short story telling. On top of that, you used wander instead of wonder. I was a little curious as to why there were only eight islands of Japan spawned when there's thousands in actuality. Was this part of the initial myth? Overall I thought it could have been more easily approachable, but I was still interested in reading more. In Empathy, I noticed you switched in and out of tenses occasionally. Some of these at the very least seemed to be Amaterasu's thoughts, but they weren't in italics so I'm not sure. Some of the dialogue as well felt unnatural as you tried to squeeze in information. I know it is hard but consider reworking it some. Especially with the boy, he could simply cry "I am the son of the mighty sun god Helios, and I will ride this chariot to prove it!" or something similar and that might sound less awkward. I was confused as to why Zeus struck him down if the damage wasn't that bad. Or was it? Also, I was a little surprised with Tsukuyomi's part just being tacked on at the end since we hadn't been properly introduced to him yet. However I am definitely interested in seeing how the stories entwine and what it means for the overall world. Remorse started sort of odd. I was curious as to who Amaterasu was speaking to. Will this storybook end with a glimpse of her telling the story to a group of people or was it just a fourth wall break? Another thing to note is that there were a lot of randomly dropped or extra words along with a few misspellings scattered throughout this chapter. Also, I think you jumped the gun on Isis's name by one line. On top of that, I think I actually read the source story about Amaterasu and the boulder, but I could not for the life of me figure out what was happening at the end of this section. It might just be me, but I definitely got lost. I think I've rambled on in my comment long enough, so I'll leave the rest for another day. But overall, I'm interested to see where you're going with this and how it all ties together.
Your third story is really great, and so full of emotion. I love the impact it made on Amaterasu and how you used that to show her longing for love and affection in her life. I also love the cliffhanger at the end. I love how you ended your storybook! It is such a great ending that wraps everything up nicely. I do have a few comments, but I really enjoyed it. I think you could do better at describing your action, because I found myself confused a lot during it. I realize that Amaterasu is most likely confused as well, and so the description is meant to be jumbled, but you may want to just clean it up a little so it's more clear. Also, pay attention to what tense you are using, because I noticed you switched from past to present a few times throughout your stories. I think those are the biggest issues I had with your story. I love the ending and how it all connects together. I think perhaps you could do a little better at describing the significance of the sword and the mirror, but other than that it was really great. I'm impressed at how you were able to incorporate different myths from different cultures and create a story that unique and so interesting. Awesome job!
Hey Collin,
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I thought your comment wall decoration was pretty funny. "Use for comment wall stuff." The design of your actual storybook looks really good too. The mountain range in the back is a nice touch and the font/coloring style seems to fit the stories' introduction. From the few introductions I have read, a common pattern seems to be using the introduction for various stories that will be told within the storybook overall. Yours is a lot different so I just want to make sure I am understanding it correctly. You basically introduced Amaterasu's point of view and then left a cliff hanger to where the story begins? I do enjoy the story's concept, but I had a little difficulty distinguishing some of the names at times. That's probably just me, so don't think of it as a huge issue or anything. Overall your story sounds complex in a great way. I think it will be one with a lot of great detail. I'm excited to see the story progress through the semester!
Your home screen does a good job giving an idea of what the story will be about right off the bat. It's also free of clutter and is very simple to navigate. I wouldn't change a thing with it.
ReplyDeleteI really like how your introduction starts with a sort of riddle. It draws the reader in and makes them want to find out the answer to the riddle. This riddle also isn't solved by the end of the introduction so that curiosity will continue on into the story itself. You also get an idea of the conflict within the family and the world. Why do the other gods resent how Izanami treated the humans the way the did? Why did Susanoo side with the other gods and not his family? How did Tsukuyomi feel about all of this? All of these questions help drive the reader forward. I'm really looking forward to see where this story goes.
First off, I love the photo you used for your home tab. I love asian and especially Chinese culture, so when I saw this, I got super excited to read your introduction. In general, this picture is a good choice because it grabs the reader's attention and makes them curious about what this storybook will consist of.
ReplyDelete"I don't want to lead, but I must, even if this world appears hopeless. And yet I... feel so lost." -- This is a wonderful line. It applied to your story well, but honestly, it applies to real life, too. Meaning, your story has a few lessons in it.
I absolutely love the way you began your introduction with a poem or riddle. It's beautiful and thought-provoking. I also think it's great because I'm sure it relatable to many people, which will draw every reader's attention in a different way.
I think your introduction was well-written, and it makes me want to continue reading on. Great job!
Hey Collin!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved the layout of your storybook! I felt like you use images to capture exactly what your story was going to be about. The design was very clean cut and original as well. After reading your introduction, I was immediately drawn in to your story. I can tell that you are going to have some great stories to come just from the introduction. There is so many things that you can do with gods myths! If I was to critique something, it would be about the character list. I think you should try to find a way to tell readers more about each character that you plan to use in your stories and a bit about their description. I think if people know more about the characters, that will prepare them for your stories. Overall, I think you are great at storytelling so I am excited to read more of what is to come.
I really liked your introduction. I thought you did a good job setting the scene and introducing the character of Amaterasu. I liked that you gave her a backstory and introduced us to her family. I like that you chose to do your stories on Japanese mythology characters while bringing in the stories from other countries mythology. I am interested to see if you just use Greek mythology or if you are going to pull from other countries too. I think that using different mythology from around the world would be cool to see. Your actual first story was really good too. I enjoyed how you weaved the Japanese myth with the Greek myth by having your character thrusted into the story but not being able to interact with the other characters. I wish that you had fleshed out the end of your story with the explanation of how the empathy shown by Helios related back to the Japanese myth.
ReplyDeleteWow, I love your storybook! I really like the premise of this empress learning how to properly care for her subjects through the mirror. I was a little confused at the end of the introduction though since I don't think you mention her name until the author's note. I didn't even realize she was the sun goddess until the first story, so maybe more introduction there would help. I really liked how you set up the conflict though! I would like to hear more about the original story you based this on and how it went in the original in your author's note if you could include that next time. I love that you included Greek myths in here since they're my favorite! Will you include some other Japanese myths though? I'd like to hear more about them too. Also, I love your layout and the beautiful picture you chose as your cover photo. Anyway, great start and I'm so excited to read your next stories!
ReplyDeleteYou have a wonderful writing style. I can not wait to read more. It is so engaging and lively without being overbearing. I can not wait to see where you are going with it. Is it going to be about her gaining insight into her own actions, empathy for others, is it just her learning how to become a good leader. I did have a problem with your introduction. It may have been me, but it seemed as if you had a problem keeping tenses straight. It was kind of hard to tell what was going on at a particular point in time through out the narrative. Also, in the first paragraph of your story, do you mean to say words could not contain my shock or did you mean to say words could not explain my shock. The second seems to fit more than your choice of words. Finally, your third paragraph was really confusing. It might have been a lack of strong verbs or it might have been in passive, but it was really difficult to visualize what you were trying to describe, You might want to reword it so that it makes more sense. But you have a great story regardless, so don't give up!
ReplyDeleteHey, Collin! Great intro and first story so far! I thought it was pretty awesome that you chose the Japanese gods and deities as the foundation for your storybook. I like how you display Amaterasu as being lost even though she is a goddess. I find it interesting how humanlike the gods in mythology end up being. You'd think they'd be more godly and know how to do run things right?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I'm extremely interested in this multiple dimensions thing you got going on. I can see you being able to go multiple different ways with your future stories. I don't know if you plan on developing the Greek world and its similarities between the Japanese world or if you are simply going to compare the Japanese world to other worlds besides the Greek world. Personally, I would like to read more about the Greek world. The first story got me hooked and I'd really like to see if Amaterasu will be able to do anything in the "mirror dimension."
Collin,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback on my introduction. I used it to help tweak the wording on some of the dialogue. The complete purpose is to tell the story of Nala and Damayanti which is why the background information is lacking. Hopefully, once the storybook is concluded everyone will see why the background information was not important and would have detracted from the end purpose.
I just wanted to thank you for your comment on my Week 9 Story. I was in dire need for some corrections and slight direction with this story and it helped that you brought up trying to build the relationship between my two characters. Being a diary style format, it was quite difficult to build it, but with your questions and concerns in what to elaborate will definitely help with editing the story! Thanks again!
ReplyDeleteI read your story Remorse, so all my comments are on that story. First off, I love what you did. You did a wonderful job of adapting and combining these stories. I cannot wait to see what you are going to do next. You used such wonderful language. It drew me in and refused to let me go. Great job! There were some problems I saw, but they were all minor. Fist, in the very first paragraph- instead of “it would be”, you could say “that word would be”. There are extra words, but it makes more of an impact on the reader. Second, first paragraph, second sentence, “can” rather than “could”-tense agreement! Next, third paragraph “all though” or “as though”? And lastly, tenth paragraph, second sentence- it confused me. I think you were missing a comma but it might just the phrasing, but I had to reread it a couple times for it to make sense. Overall, it was an amazing story. I look forward to seeing where you go from here!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I want to say that your sense of humor really shows through on all your work. Great job in show casing your personality on your comment wall and from what I have read on your stories, it is really show cased well there too.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate the story Sunlight’s Reflection: A Mirror for Gods and Humans. I think your writing style really showed through and you did such an amazing job. The only suggestion I might have to you is maybe to clarify your characters a little. I think some of the details are easy to get lost in. I am extremely impressed with your ability to write and capture attention like you did – that is something that is super hard to master in this class because we read so much about characters we usually do not know about! All in all great job on this story and I am happy to read your work!
Your introduction is so good! I was captivated from the beginning. I don't know much about Japanese mythology, but you hooked me with this story. I love how you describe Amaterasu's emotions so well. You made me sympathize with her situation.
ReplyDeleteI loved first story. It's so creative of you to combine Greek and Japanese myths in this way. I absolutely love your take with the story of Helios and Phaeton. You made it so emotional and real and I love how you chose to focus on the love Helios has for Phaeton rather than Phaeton's stupidity, which is the usual focus. I also love how you used the moral to help Amaterasu. I think you could connect the moral a little bit better, as it is a little confusing. However, since I'm sure you revised this story already, I don't have any critiques to make.
Your second story is really good. I love how again you brought in a new mythology. I also love how you are focusing on different sun gods. I only have a few critiques while reading it. The "yes laugh" part seems a little out of place since I didn't recall Amaterasu telling this story to anyone, but I may have missed it. "A tamer tan than the his coated her body": this sentence is confusing, it may have just been an accidental mistake. What does Isis look like? I'm guessing she doesn't have an animal head like Ra? I don't think "ew" should be in italics since none of her other thoughts are. I'm wondering how does Amaterasu knows what poured out of Ra. I think more clarity is needed here. I also think you could do a little better at transitioning from the story of Isis and Ra to Amaterasu's own story. Other than those things, I think you did a really great job with your story and I can't wait to see what you come up with next.
Very good job on the intro! It caught my interest really quickly and made me want to keep reading! I like that you chose the daughter to be the chosen one by the father. I’d like more detail however, about how the mother died? I know she was accused of loving the mortals more than the gods, but who had the power to punish her? How cool that her father’s mirror is a portal! I’m curious just how the Sun goddess got back home? Seems you did a ton of research on the gods though, very nice job! It’s interesting that she is witnessing all of these bad things happening in other realms and not good ones to put her mind to ease. Remorse was a little difficult to follow. Did the daughter make the snake that attacked the father so she could get his powers, or was there another woman involved? I really enjoyed Sincerity! Overall great job I can’t wait to see the final product!
ReplyDeleteHello,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your storybook. I liked that each story was named after some sort of emotion. I think doing that was really smart. I also love the introduction. I think it set up the rest of the stories quite nicely. One part that caught my eye was the daughter was the chosen one but she was chosen by her father. I liked this because I am a daddy’s girl and definitely really felt this part. Is there more detail to how the mother died? Is this going to addressed later on in the story book? It could be like background story. I also want to compliment you on your pictures. I am a visual person and adding the pictures help me create the story in my head even more. I really like the human and mythological part of the stories. The only feedback I have is just making sure you are being clear in what you say. Overall, really great story.
Hey Collin!
ReplyDeleteI chose your storybook as weird as this may come off, but because the title seemed to be deeper than at first glance. I am not sure if that made any sense, but it makes me curious as to what you were writing about! And then I saw the title of your story and was so impressed by the sophistication of it all! Maybe because I am writing about a summer camp with the gods, but your storybook has a sense of seriousness to it! Once I started reading I was impressed by your use of descriptions for the characters and I especially loved your use of italics and ellipsis. It really helped separate what you were saying and set the tone of it while keeping it easy to read. I wish I had started reading your storybook sooner as I could have kept up with the stories every week! Either way, Great job!
Hey Collin!
ReplyDeleteFirst off Intro. I thought the language was a bit stilted and seemed more geared to dramatic movie narration rather than short story telling. On top of that, you used wander instead of wonder. I was a little curious as to why there were only eight islands of Japan spawned when there's thousands in actuality. Was this part of the initial myth? Overall I thought it could have been more easily approachable, but I was still interested in reading more.
In Empathy, I noticed you switched in and out of tenses occasionally. Some of these at the very least seemed to be Amaterasu's thoughts, but they weren't in italics so I'm not sure. Some of the dialogue as well felt unnatural as you tried to squeeze in information. I know it is hard but consider reworking it some. Especially with the boy, he could simply cry "I am the son of the mighty sun god Helios, and I will ride this chariot to prove it!" or something similar and that might sound less awkward. I was confused as to why Zeus struck him down if the damage wasn't that bad. Or was it? Also, I was a little surprised with Tsukuyomi's part just being tacked on at the end since we hadn't been properly introduced to him yet. However I am definitely interested in seeing how the stories entwine and what it means for the overall world.
Remorse started sort of odd. I was curious as to who Amaterasu was speaking to. Will this storybook end with a glimpse of her telling the story to a group of people or was it just a fourth wall break? Another thing to note is that there were a lot of randomly dropped or extra words along with a few misspellings scattered throughout this chapter. Also, I think you jumped the gun on Isis's name by one line. On top of that, I think I actually read the source story about Amaterasu and the boulder, but I could not for the life of me figure out what was happening at the end of this section. It might just be me, but I definitely got lost.
I think I've rambled on in my comment long enough, so I'll leave the rest for another day. But overall, I'm interested to see where you're going with this and how it all ties together.
Your third story is really great, and so full of emotion. I love the impact it made on Amaterasu and how you used that to show her longing for love and affection in her life. I also love the cliffhanger at the end.
ReplyDeleteI love how you ended your storybook! It is such a great ending that wraps everything up nicely. I do have a few comments, but I really enjoyed it.
I think you could do better at describing your action, because I found myself confused a lot during it. I realize that Amaterasu is most likely confused as well, and so the description is meant to be jumbled, but you may want to just clean it up a little so it's more clear. Also, pay attention to what tense you are using, because I noticed you switched from past to present a few times throughout your stories. I think those are the biggest issues I had with your story. I love the ending and how it all connects together. I think perhaps you could do a little better at describing the significance of the sword and the mirror, but other than that it was really great. I'm impressed at how you were able to incorporate different myths from different cultures and create a story that unique and so interesting. Awesome job!