Time Strategies

 

(Graphic render of a Benjamin Franklin quote created by Helen Sudds Passey. Posted to Flickr on June 8th, 2012)

Whenever I'm given words of praise or encouragement, I'll often be the first to put myself down. While I can adhere to a schedule to do work, I don't have a lot of confidence in myself to know that I do good work.

This often happens when I reach situations I have no experience for, and the way this class is structured is one of them. I'm much more conditioned to doing well in a more rigidly structured class with visible handouts, so to see the flexibility before me in a fully digital class, alongside my greenhorn status of writing fiction, butterflies started churning in my stomach. This lead to apprehension about

My mindset is one organized by the need to be perfect, single-mindedness, self-deprecation, paranoia, and a susceptibility to distraction. Overcoming these will be a big step toward successful a semester and a successful future. Having Caroline Webb's article on how to handle procrastination enlightens me to some things I can try to make this easier.

Rather than focusing on downsides, visualizing an upside to getting work done - a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel - and vocalizing the determination to get there sound like good ideas. Might motivate me to get work done sooner so I can play those games I've been meaning to get to.

In my perception, though, taking only small steps is not enough, since that feels like I'm not getting anywhere with myself, and I'm not very good at asking questions of myself to remove "blockage" preventing me from completing simple tasks, since that feels like it is distracting from the task itself. Committing myself publicly to something also feels like a bad idea, because then I have to deal with the feeling of letting someone down.

I know I need to get past this mindset, but I can't take the first steps because it is so ingrained into my lifestyle. I would love to welcome outside help and influence to get over this, and it might need to come in with gusto, because I'm so quick to admit defeat before I've even begun to fight, and I know I can put up a hell of a fight when I need to.